선택

난 이미 선택을 했었다.
그래.. 끝내자...라고.
근데 왜 자꾸 뒤를 돌아보게 되는걸까?
남편이 잡아서?
그마음이 진심일까?
이젠 모든게 부정적으로만 보인다.
그렇게 내 마음에 상처를 주고서
왜 이제와서 다시 모든걸 뒤흔드는건지.
난 정말 어찌해야 하는걸까..
모르겠다.
아무리 생각해도 모르겠다.
올리비아를 위해 뭐가 가장 올바른 결정인지
머리빠질정도로 생각해봐도
답이 안나온다.
아...
이렇게 답답할수가.

bathing

Mom, I am naked.. and I am a girl.

Okay, baby..

but I'd love to share your everything

with our families and friends.

shopping at a grocery

Yes, I am in a gorcery store.

Mommy wants to eat some fruits and sushi roll.

Me? I am just looking around but people looking at me

and wondering if I am a boy or girl.

Do I look like a boy?

Mom, I love to come a grocery shopping..

There are too many foods. wow!!!

I can't wait to eat them.

Mom likes fruits..

I guess I will too!!!

Smile

When she smiles at me,

I become the happiest mother in the world.

A baby carrier

I like using a baby bjorn because we stick together. I think I started to use the carrier when she turned two months. Olivia is now almost five months and my shoulder is too hurt using the baby bjorn. (because she weighs more.. 17ibs) So I bought a new carrier, ERGO. A good thing to use ergo, I can carry her on my back. I am so exited...

Oh, the picture was taken when she was almost three months. She looks very small in the carrier. Isn't she?

roll over

After 100 days, Olivia attempted to roll over very hard. Then one day, she just turned over by herself and smiled at me. As you can see this picture, she was just so cute. Oh..... how lovely she is.

Now, whenever she is on a flat place, her body is already ready to flip, even when changing diper time.

Jumperoo

Once babies can control their neck, I think jumperoo is really good to make them happy.

She seems very playful and enjoyable most of time...although it is not working well all the time. However, when she is okay mood with jumperoo, I can do something at least. So this is a good benefit for me.

with daddy

Olivia likes playing on daddy's tummy. I hope David spends more time with Olivia.

Now she knows I am a mom and David is a dad I guess. Hopefully, she knows more people other than us.

She is always wearing a sheep blanket before go to bed. I bought it when I was in Korea because she didn't like a real blanket. It keeps Olivia warm all night so I don't need to worry even if she kicks the blanket.

in Korea

When I was in Korea, JuYeon took us a nice restaurant.

I like this place because I have a lot of memories.. good and bad, of course.

Now, I have one more memory with my baby.

winter in wisconsin

위스콘신이 겨울이 길고 매우 춥다는 건 이사오기전부터 들어서

알고 있었지만 막상 이곳에서 보내는 겨울은 우울하기 그지없다.

워낙 나의 결혼생활이 엔딩을 향해 달려가고 있는지라 그럴수도 있겠지만,

만약 내가 여전히 리치몬드에 살고 있었어도 이렇게 우울했을까 싶다.

이사왔을때부터 데이빗과 사이가 너무 안좋아졌고,

미국에 온 이후로 제일 힘든 시간을 보낸것 같고,

여전히 힘들게 보내고 있다.

우리 아기를 위해서 올 크리스마스를 가족이란 이름으로 함께 했다.

앞으로 모든게 달라지겠지만 무엇을 하든 올리비아를 우선으로 생각할거다.

아빠없이 나혼자 아기를 키운다는게 얼마나 힘들지 정말 상상이 안가지만

약해지지 말고 당당하고 씩씩해질거다. 아줌마의 힘이라고 해야하나...

아직은 너무 어린 올리비아를 키우는게 무척 힘들겠지만,

반면에 올리비아로 인해 얻을 행복또한 난 무척 기대된다.

어쩌다가 우리의 관계가 이렇게까지 악화되었는지...

생각하면 무척 슬프고 안타깝지만 인연이 여기까지인걸 어쩌랴..

그냥 담담히 받아들이고 앞으로 어떻게 먹고 살것인지

현실을 직시해야 한다.

뭐 결론은 이렇다.

나의 결혼생활이 실패했을뿐이지,

나의 인생은 아직 갈 길이 남아있으니

올리비아를 위해서, 나를 위해서

열심히 살자.

Olivia's first Christmas, 2008

Hello Elmo...

We bought a fake christmas tree from Target.

It is not a tall tree but good size for Lib.

I bought a Elmo stocking for Olivia as her first christmas.

David bought a elmo rattle that planed to put her stocking.

But he had to give her before christmas to entertain when she cried.

Me and Olivia with a lot of her christmas gifts.

(Mostly from grandma)

Thank you, Roxanne.

She is wearing a santa hat and riding a jumperoo.

August 07, 2008

OLIVIA LIM BERRY

Aug07,2008. 2:24PM
7Ibs2oz / 3.23kg

Appleton Medical Center, WI